H&S Archive: Creating daily rituals to fill your cup
Letting go of perfect routines in favour of slowing down and "making it nice"
This VoiceOver was recorded unedited in my home so there may be a couple of throat clearings and word jumbles along the way, possibly a dog or a cat in the background. Whether it’s something you need or prefer, I hope you enjoy it regardless.
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This post was first published on 25th June 2023.
Hello lovely
I’ve just made another cup of tea.
It’s next to me now, steam unfurling, waiting for me to cradle it and take a sip. It’s in a delicate bone china mug that’s large enough to wrap both hands around and is decorated with a papercut design of Lerwick’s waterfront. A Christmas gift from my partner. Inside is gently steeped Earl Grey with a splash of cold water. I usually fill a teapot at the same time as the mug so I can top it up again without leaving my seat. I didn’t do that this time (immediate regret) so before long I’ll be back at the kettle brewing another cup.
Making tea, and drinking it, is one of my intrinsic daily rituals. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t an indication of a Pinterest-worthy, Instagram-ready day: this is one calm snapshot amidst the chaos. In the room alongside me and the tea is a chair full of clothes I need to put away, a carpet that needs to be hoovered, and various other mind-numbing tasks that are too dull to list - just life stuff that needs dealt with, y’know? I’m also still in bed after a poor night of sleep so I’m typing to you in my pyjamas, under the duvet, in the afternoon. The tea is frankly the only thing holding it all together.
It turns out adulthood isn’t the freedom-filled wonderland we dreamed of as kids. (I’m also still waiting on that growth spurt that would take me beyond 5ft4.) Instead, there’s a perpetual feeling of not having enough time and, because of that, the desire to create the perfect routine in which everything will suddenly flow seamlessly together. Maybe you’ve done the same as me and tried out several (thousand) variations on the common themes? Or maybe you’re one of those people I envy who gets up at 5 am and has a beautifully refreshing start to the day (sobs in insomniac) or who works from home and has the chance to plan and arrange their time a little more gently (the dream!). Some of you, I hope, are like me. I’m the person who, despite careful calculations and decision-making about tasks, time, and energy, finds the reality of maintaining a consistent daily routine out of reach much of the time. Life happens, the chaos overtakes the calm, and you end up feeling worse for not completing all the steps in the flawless plan that would fix your life. Anyone else?!
That’s why I’m leaning toward daily rituals these days instead of the seemingly impossible task of creating a perfect routine. These rituals are tiny moments in my day when I do something to recharge; they still form a structure in some ways but they’re more touchstones than rules. It’s a looser, oversized-sweatshirt-version of routine that adapts to fit you rather than the other way around. There’s no rigidity involved, just a gentle intention to try and remember to take a minute, from time to time, to do something that nourishes you. After all, as my Mum has often reminded me, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” And just like the tea sitting next to me I need my cup to filled too.
Some of these “fill your cup” moments might occur at the same time of the day: morning coffee, a nighttime bath, or an after-dinner walk. Others might be occasional or even seasonal: an appointment at the hairdresser, a weekly trip to the florist, or a Christmas meal with a friend. Maybe, like me, you already had a number of daily moments like this but never thought about them in this way before because they’re so embedded that they essentially go unnoticed. I’ve always made tea, had baths, and enjoyed having flowers in the house, but it wasn’t until I tried (and failed) various forms of morning and evening routine that I discovered I probably had a sort-of structure already. It wasn’t exactly a routine but it was a series of comforting habits that I could use to punctuate my day.
So, what makes these daily habits a ritual? For me, it’s about slowing yourself and the process all the way down. Essentially, you want to do what my Grandma called “making it nice”. Making it nice means taking the time over something you enjoy but could easily rush through and noticing how you can elevate experiences you’re already having to make them more special. It might be warming a flannel under a hot tap and holding it onto your skin when you wash your face instead of just splashing on warm water. It might be stepping outside for a breath of air between meetings instead of scrolling on your phone. It might be something purely decorative like buying fresh flowers once a week for your kitchen table just because they’re beautiful. And why not make it nice? As Joan Didion put it “Every day is all there is” so we may as well bring out the good china for no occasion other than breakfast.
These moments aren't quite a routine but they're not quite chaos either. They're in the messy, real-life middle where we do what we can and let go of the rest. We try our best. We make tea.
Slow it down. Make it nice. Fill your cup.
I’d love to hear about the daily rituals that hold you and your days together and whether, like me, you’ve been overambitious with a new routine at any point! Let me know in the comments - I’ll meet you there, fresh mug of tea in hand.
Take care
So lovely to see this again, Charlene. We have got out of the rhythm of life here … we were away with friends and straight back into jobs in the garden. Today we are slowing it down. Hot water and a slice of lemon. A word game to check the brain is working. Plan for breakfast - I’m on ‘creamy soy mushrooms on toast’ … we have new tumblers from a ceramicist friend (Amy Frankie Smith in Shoreham … her work is on Insta) and they are perfect for our coffees. We’re sipping from them now. The secret is to repeat the dose tomorrow. Happy Sunday.
I like to start my day quietly, with a cup of tea and reading in bed. Just these few minutes to enter the day gently really help.